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A Void

I’m in a new fiction class.  I wrote this following criteria of 1) a life changing adolescent thingamjig and 2) it’s a story about death where no one dies.  I haven’t written in a while, so this may not be my best.

I was twelve on the day that I first saw a dead body. I’m surprised I made it that long.

My father hated that we lived in a funeral home.  We hated each other: I hated that he always told me to find a way to entertain myself in our boring house, and he hated that I would interrupt his dealing with customers—grieving families, as he called them.  I didn’t understand what grieving meant back then, and I’ve still never experienced it, I think.

My mother, who owned the business, was very cautious not to have me exposed to death too young.  She always kept the basement door locked.  She didn’t want to confuse me, or that’s what she would say.  Given how rarely we talked, I assume she just didn’t want me to annoy her with questions.

But that day, as unfortunate as it was inevitable, came on a frosty afternoon in the post-Christmas, pre-New Year winter.  The air was cold enough to have me walking around the house in a coat, snow pants, and mittens.  We couldn’t afford to heat the whole house given the financial issues my parents had in running a failing funeral home.  The sky was too grey to play outside.  My father yelled at me to go away when I approached him, even though he was alone. He was unusually irritable. No grieving families came that day nor for several days after that.

Out of boredom and youthful spite I walked toward the basement, looking down the stairs that led to an open door.  That door was never open, and my curiosity overpowered the phrase that entered my lexicon as soon as I could walk and comprehend: Never go into The Basement.  Actually, between the open door and the enigma surrounding it, the phrase powered my curiosity and pushed my snow pants-covered legs toward the enticing portal.  I grew nervous as I further descended the stairs.  I could feel the old wooden steps sink a little under my grey wool socks.  I could feel the walls narrowing, although I’m sure that was only in my mind.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs and went through the door, I realized that I was sweating not because of my apprehension of disobeying my parents, but because this room was much warmer than the rest of the house.  I took off my snow pants and jacket, leaving on my white underwear and t-shirt, and then observed the large room:  the walls were grey, probably cement, and encompassed the room into a spacious rectangle.  A shower curtain was hung in the closest corner.  The smell was of chemicals; the sound, an empty lab.  Back then, I thought the smell was of my cough medicine; the sound, my father sitting alone in the den.

I saw metal gurneys on the far end near what seemed to me like a kitchen counter and sink.  As I got closer I could see that the gurney was occupied, and as I got closer still I saw that its occupant was a pale, unmoving body: a corpse, although I did not know that word at the time.  I took my mittens off and reached upward to touch the body, which I assumed was a dummy.  When I felt the skin I could tell that it was the real thing.  I was perplexed.

My curiosity pushed me to grab and climb a stool to get a better view.  When I saw the body in full, I stepped backward, almost off the ledge.  It was Mr. Thompson, a good friend of my parents.  The last time I had seen him was a few days before—on Christmas Eve—when Mrs. Thompson was walking to her car with suitcases.  He was yelling after her, questioning more than exclaiming, and when she drove off, he got into his Bug and backed into a fire hydrant.  It looked like the water that came pouring out was dousing his deep-red car.  As he walked back to his house, he did not look sad or angry.  He looked defeated. He looked empty.  He looked like a man who had just had the worst of him displayed to the world, a world watching through kitchen windows.

Now, all I looked at was the hole in his stomach.  The hole was like a void, and I thought that everyone’s insides were hollowed out like Mr. Thompson’s for a long time after.   I stared into it and noticed how some of the exterior was being sewn to cover this up.

As I felt Mr. Thompson’s empty stomach staring into me, my mother came in the room.  I did not hear her come down the stairs, but I did hear her scream.  She looked at me with harsh red eyes, eyes that I never saw her wear before, and I could tell that she thought I had done something wrong.

“Mom…is this Mr. Thompson?”  I knew the answer, but I was scared of what she would do if the silence continued.

“Yes.”  Her voice was weak, and this was a quality I had never thought to describe any aspect of her before.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s dead.”  She said this in a way that made me feel like an even smaller child.

“What does that mean?”

“It means his mind is no longer working and he is now just a body.  He is gone forever.  He lost his soul.”

“Is that because his stomach broke?”

“No.  He died because he killed himself.  His stomach didn’t break.”

I was confused and I started to feel the cold seep into the room from the upstairs.  I put back on my mittens.

“D-does his happen to everyone?  Does everyone kill them-self?  Will I kill myself?”

My mother was very upset at this point. “No.  Everyone dies.  How you die is something you won’t know until you…die.”

“Oh.”  I gave a questioning stare, wanting to know more, but this was apparently an improper response.  Her face changed color from pink to dark red.

“Go upstairs.  Now.  You know you’re not supposed to be down here.  Go play with your toys or something.”

“But what happens when—“

“Go upstairs. Now.”

I put back on my snow pants and jacket and went upstairs.  I grabbed my toys and had them talk to each other about what it felt like to have no insides. I had Cobra Commander “die” by ripping open his stomach, but couldn’t figure out what to do after the stomach was open.  I didn’t know if he was supposed to talk, or someone was supposed to tell him something, or if he was just supposed to be quiet and still.

I walked into the den to ask my dad if he had any idea what I could do, but as I entered I heard him on the phone.  He was asking about Mr. Thompson’s family.  No, no, he told the phone, he would pay for the funeral; he just wanted to know if anyone would go.  He hung up and started sobbing.

“Dad?”

“Oh, for Christ’s sake! Go away!”

I ran back to my toys and stared at Cobra Commander.  I asked him how he felt, but he didn’t respond.  I sat in my room for a long time in my mittens, jacket, and snow pants.  The only breaks were sleep.  At some point I attended the funeral of Mr. Thompson. It was only my parents, the minister, and I.  My father stood up to give the only eulogy; when he walked in front of the black curtains and stained glass he opened his mouth but nothing came out.  He stepped away from the wooden podium and walked back to his seat to let the minister finish.

Mrs. Thompson never came.  I don’t blame her for not coming, and I don’t think I would have gone either, to be honest.  It wasn’t her problem.  I haven’t been to a funeral since Mr. Thompson’s, and the last time I spoke to my parents was long before they died.

I think about that day a lot, but I mostly think about Mr. Thompson.  Anytime it’s around Christmas, like it is now, I think about his vacant face as he walked back into his house.  I wonder if he thought that he was empty and wanted someone else to see it, or if he was trying to fill that empty feeling with something.

I have that empty feeling.  I feel like all people have that empty feeling when they learn about things grander than themselves, like death.  Parents or books or other things usually fill that emptiness up with comfort.  But I still feel that way and I don’t know how to fill the emptiness.  I don’t have much more family, and I don’t socialize.  My apartment is small and comfortable.  Now I just wait as each day is crossed off of my calendar, and I wonder if anyone will attend my funeral.  I wonder if anyone will see how empty my stomach looks and wonder,  “How did he get this old with nothing inside of him?”

10 Favorite Films of 2010

Favorite, not best. If this were the Best Films, number eight would be much higher and number two would be put up to number one. Probably missed some or mixed some up. I would’ve put Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 on here, but that is only one half of what is so far one of the most fun movies to come out in a long time.


10. The Town

A movie with great pacing and a perfect balance of action and drama, while not descending too far into melodrama.  Ben Affleck is great as is Jeremy Renner, and the movie never bores. To be a movie about bank robbers and be one of my favorites of the year is pretty surprising.

9. Easy A

With awkward teenage comedies becoming more and more popular, Easy A had a (surprisingly) more personal feel.  Having Stanley Tucci didn’t hurt.  Not a classic by any means but it kept me interested when other comedies had me laugh every so often but not care about the story nearly as much.

8. The King’s Speech

I know this is number one on a lot of “Best of the Year” lists, and for good reason.  This is a great movie and is perfection in terms of classical filmmaking.  Rush has a fantastic performance as does Firth, who proved in A Single Man that he is a master of emotion.  The reason this is only in spot eight is because in an age where people whine about the excess of sequels and remakes, the original films coming out have such genius ideas whereas this is a simple underdog story.  It’s one of the best of its kind and a beautiful film by a director who has mastered much of the art, but it isn’t nearly as engaging as some of the more creative projects out there.

7. 127 Hours

127 Hours is amazing just because it does not bore even once during its entire runtime despite it being about a man trapped by a rock.  James Franco is one of the best actors around and Danny Boyle proves his talent and that he deserved to be considered a Best Director by the Academy.  For someone that could care less about rock climbing, this movie was the best it could be.

6. Shutter Island

I’m really not much of a Scorsese fan, but you have to appreciate Shutter Island for the level of insanity Scorsese lets out, possibly only the amount a director with the reputation Scorsese has could let out in Hollywood.  The end felt a little bit cheap to me, but it was still a mystery movie that keeps you interested and guessing for the most of it.

5. Never Let Me Go

Never Let Me Go is one of the most underrated movies of the year.  It’s a sci-fi that you could watch and never realize it’s sci-fi.  Above that, this is a character story and it masterfully avoids the melodrama that could have killed it.  It’s like this year’s The Road, in that it’s so depressing that so many people were driven away, but this movie deserves to be seen and Mulligan and Garfield prove their ability as an actress and actor.  Anyone that likes a great (albeit sad) story with emotional and realistic characters should give this movie a chance.

4. Inception

This is the kind of movie that required the time it took to write the script.  Christopher Nolan continues to make some of the most interesting and original movies out there and Inception almost requires multiple viewings.  I’m not a huge sci-fan, even less of an action fan, but Inception will appeal to anyone that likes a movie with intelligence. Or Joseph Gordon-Levitt because, let’s face it, he’s awesome.

3. Toy Story 3

Maybe it’s because  I grew up with these movies.  Maybe it’s because Pixar is consistently making some of the best movies year after year.  Either way, Toy Story 3 is a satisfying and perfect conclusion to one of the best trilogies of all time, and hits all the right notes to make you laugh and cry, putting you at the mercy of a bunch of toys.

2. The Social Network

This is probably the best film of this year, and it is timely.  Hitting the zeitgeist is a phrase made for this kind of film,  but The Social Network also has themes that Shakespeare wrote about, as many have pointed out.  Jesse Eisenberg gives the performance of the year, upstaging Colin Firth with a performance that is masterful to such an extent that it’s hard to tell it’s a great performance at all.  The narrative style, cinematography, and characters make this movie reflect the best innovations in modern filmmaking.

1. Black Swan

The series of posters that produced this are works of art. Unfortunately, none were used as the official poster.

Black Swan had me terrified and stuck in my seat long after the credits rolled.  I was completely absorbed by Natalie Portman’s performance and this film shot Darren Aronofsky to the top of my list of best living directors.  Every shot and aspect of Black Swan shows a director who is daring and willing to push the envelope, and if more directors tried to make films as original and powerful as this, there would be no period of film better.  While The Social Network is a fantastic film and perfect for the time, Black Swan is gripping and one of the greatest stories of obsession and the role it plays in art.  Black Swan is my favorite movie because it attacked my mind and appealed to my desire to be terrified and in awe at the same time.

The Surprise

I wrote this short story for my Advanced Writing class. It’s a bit, er, out there. I enjoyed writing it though and I still like to reread it every so often. I ended up writing a full length screenplay with my friend based off of this short story, although the screenplay is more of an absurdist B Movie-like story. Anyways, enjoy! (Or don’t, I tend to like people’s reactions either way.)

Three days. It’s been three days, and I’ve got nothing. I left my office on a bad tip, too desperate to crack the case. Did I really think I’d find something so far from the City? Who knows where the hell I am now.

The first sign for miles gets my undivided attention, the first trace of people I’ve seen since I left the fill-up station. It says, “Hand-Turkey Farm,” in big, hand-made letters, probably cardboard, then “Next Left,” under it. I think of paper cutout turkeys colored in with markers, traced by small kids using their hands as stencils. I cringe, the idea of such a brainless, money-wasting tourist trap leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

Then I think of another possibility: where there’s people throwing cash away, there’s other people picking it up. They could have a phone, or at least directions, and the little needle on my gas gauge has been flirting with that big “E” for a few hours. The little canister in the back won’t do much if there’s no city for another hundred miles.

I spin the wheel to the left, turning onto the gravelly road. The car rumbles on the uneven surface; the tires bounce unevenly. A massive building approaches on the right a few miles in, probably a barn, about half as long and wide as an apartment complex knocked on its back. Every second that my car gets closer to the building, the dim imagery gets more noticeable. The paint is peeling, the color of moonlit blood. An overwhelming scent of rot slowly displaces unpolluted air.

Parking in front of the barn, I wonder if I should leave my car at all.  I could just drive as far as this little vehicle will take me and then walk until I find a city. I would, but the barn pulls on my curiosity, opening the car door for me and dragging my legs in its direction. The outside is hauntingly quiet, my car engine not disturbing the silence anymore. A faint sound brushes my ears; I’m not sure if it’s the wind or something the wind is carrying. The clouds in the sky obscure the sunlight and warmth, the cold being carried on the light breeze. Rusted metal handles, rough on my hands, creak as the barn doors open. The darkness blankets the objects inside, no sunlight to reveal any secrets. The scent pours out of the doors, making my stomach turn; the smell and taste of a cannibalistic thanksgiving burns itself into my nostrils and taste buds.

I fumble my hands in my trench coat pocket for a gasper and a match. The drag of nicotine and tobacco wipe the nausea from my stomach, the smell of rot temporarily out of mind. A silhouette of a lantern borders my vision inside the barn, and I reach for another match to give the room some light. The rattle of the matchbox echoes like a City Police siren blocks away from my apartment. The phosphorus burns red coming off the striker, and the oil in the lantern ignites to give an eerie illumination for a few yards in every direction.

A dusty metal table lies about four feet from the ground, the shiny metal masked by a dark red. It’s dried blood, I recognize it all too well. Books litter the surface, books on genetics and anatomy and even the occult. Whole fingernails form a small pile on the edge of the table, scattering as I accidently knock them over with my elbow. A shiver rattles up my spine. Another lantern barely visible in the corner of my eye catches my attention, taunting my curiosity. I grab another match, ready to set another fire and appease my racing mind.

The light from the second lantern shines in a bright circle around the post it stands on. Something lies on the edge of the light, the horrible smell coming from the rotting mass. My feet inch closer, trying to get a better eye on it, and I almost gasp when I realize what it is: a severed hand, sans fingernails. The skin looks torn, open wounds covered by a thick yellow and red. A gag starts to force my head down, and I wonder what this could possibly be doing here.  I’ve seen death—sterile crime scenes and fresh corpses—but this was decomposition. I never stick around for that long.

My stumbling feet almost send me to the ground, both trying to race away from the small but disgusting piece of what used to be a whole person.  The rickety sound of a glass about to fall off a table shoots my heart rate up, my hands stopping an unlit lantern from falling over.

Lighting another match to drop into the oil, I wonder why this lantern isn’t firmly attached to a pole in the ground. The fire spreads the light just a bit farther than the last lantern, and I see the answer. A dark hallway stands in front of me, going way past what my eye can read. A faint echo of choked yells and gagging creeps down the hallway, prickling the hair on my neck as it passes. Horrifying images flash in my head, a defense mechanism telling me, “You can still turn back.”

That little, protective voice is drowned out by the voice telling me to find answers. “Someone might need your help.” “There could be a breakthrough in the case.” These weak excuses hide the real reason for not running back to the car and driving as far away as possible: “You have to know what’s in here.”

I force my stubborn legs to move forward down the narrow hallway, the walls only a few feet apart. Each step I take forward, I feel the walls take a step towards each other; when I look back, the walls don’t seem farther apart, and forward they don’t seem any closer. Still, I feel the air around me compressing, my shoulders tensing like I was in a busy elevator. The lantern shines far enough to see the walls go on and on for minutes of walking.

A fence finally breaks the stretch of floor-to-ceiling wood boards, giving me room to inhale deeply. I set down the lamp to grab and drag on another gasper to calm my nerves. The fence runs from my neck to my shins, hay pouring out the bottom at my feet. I drop the smoke stick to the ground and grind it under my foot, not wanting to light up the hay.

My fingers find the latch on the other side of the fence and the gate squeaks open on rusty hinges. As the squeaks fade, I hear the gagging and choking again, no longer an echo but coming from right behind the fence. The smell’s more powerful than the severed hand’s, bringing the nausea back. My head struggles to stay upright and look into the dark room.

A lantern, larger than all the others, sits a few feet from the doorway. I let another lit match fall into the lantern and watch the oil ignite and illuminate the room. My pupils contract to pen points, struggling to adjust to the bright light. My eyes coming to, I see dried blood covering more red than brown visible. My head slowly looks up toward the far end of the room, looking for a possible source.

The sight is bone rattling; it brings the smell of rot back to my nostrils, the sounds of gagging and choking are louder than ever before. The punch of sight, scent, and sound hits me in the stomach, expelling the measly lunch I had onto the hay. The sign, the table, and the severed hand all start to come together, frightening me to near-paralysis.

Hand-Turkeys.

A lot of Hand-Turkeys.

The creatures, turkey-sized and disfigured, encircle the dead body of the victim I’ve been trying to find for weeks, Greg Belfield. His hands are missing. The Hand-Turkeys surrounding him emanate caricatures of turkey gobbles as they peck at him with the thumbs of their hand-shaped bodies. The flesh bundles in some parts of the fingers and isn’t there at all in others, only splintered bone visible. Two asymmetrical eyes squeeze inward on the thumb, separated by a thin triangle nose. A slit leaves a small opening at the tip of the thumb, the source of the awful sounds. Thin, splintered feathers barely coat the fingertips, the colors dried out. They move slowly on little feet that I can’t see.

I wonder if they heard me getting sick, or if they’re preoccupied with Belfield’s corpse. Looking up again, I see dozens of little eyes staring at me. My legs unfreeze and I run as fast as I can out of the room. My elbow smashes the lantern, my foot knocking over the one I’d left on the floor as I run out the gate. The walls of the hallway act like blinders, tempting me to look over my shoulder for confirmation of a fire.

The end of the hall brings me back to the open area of the barn, the second lantern I lit still shining over the severed hand. I knock the pole over, hearing the lantern shatter on the ground. The table rushes through my vision, a blur as my elbow smashes the lantern next to it. My feet carry me straight through the door to my car, the fresh air overpowering my lungs and making me light-headed. I shove my hands into my coat pockets to grab my keys, and the door swings open as I rush into the car. The keys find the ignition, setting the engine into a sputter that feels like minutes before finally starting up.

My foot pushes the pedal down and sends the car to top speed in ten seconds, pushing me farther and farther away from that hellhole. The quiet victory shooting through my brain is blown down by the sound of the engine coughing up a few last breaths. My brain starts to shut down in panic but the synapses reconnect, remembering the extra gas canister in the trunk.

The car door swings open and isn’t done moving before I’m looking in the trunk, moving coats and papers around to find the canister. It’s near full and could probably take me to some form of civilization. The canister slips out of my hands as I turn to run to the gas cap, flying a few feet from the car before crashing into the ground. I pick it up before it all spills out, and thank Jehovah that there’s still enough gasoline left in there. The gas cap unscrews with a click, but the following silence slowly starts to fill with gags and choked gobbles.

My head snaps over my shoulder to see a dozen Hand-Turkeys coming through the field towards me. I consider pouring the remaining gas into the tank and driving off, but it won’t get me far. I’ll end up walking only a few miles down the road and then passing out from hunger or thirst. Then what happens? Will I be torn apart or eaten up, my hands cut off by some head case? My pyromania kicks in and I pour the remaining gasoline into a semicircle around the driver’s side of my car. I take out a match and watch it burn up, throwing it at the gasoline. The match dies out in midair. Watching the Hand-Turkeys close in, I make my shaky hands grab one of the few remaining matches. I light it and cup my hand around the flame, protecting it from the wind. I lower it onto the gasoline then quickly back away, darting back into my car.

The creatures walk into the fire, moving so slowly that the mock-feathers and torn flesh slowly ignite in the flames. They keep coming toward the car, a group of five pressing their stubbed fingers against the door. The fire slowly takes them down and they fall over, dead. Another bunch of burning Hand-Turkeys push themselves towards the car, pulling themselves above their fallen brethren to push on the feeble windows. Cracks shoot like lightning bolts through the glass, and I look at the side-view mirror as a Hand-Turkey engulfed in flames pulls itself on top of one of the dead creatures just behind the back door. It reaches into the open circle leading to the gas tank. The burning ring finger pushes itself deep into the open pipe, pulling the Hand-Turkey higher up onto the car. Excruciating pain quickly envelops my entire body, a burning sensation consuming my skin—then, nothing.

Dead Fireflies in the Pitch Black Room

I wrote this for my Creative Writing class a year ago. I just found it on my computer and decided I’d upload it. The assignment was to write a crime story based off of an item we were given.  I’d like to add that I tried to make this difficult by making my narrator completely insane.  I hate to give off the impression that I think like this; it was meant to be a challenge.

This city, it’s dead on the inside. People are always walking from A to B but they never get anywhere. None of these people are alive.

I’m doing them a favor.

Just because the light’s on doesn’t mean that the city’s synapses are working. Just because the wind blows and the leaves on the trees in Central Park blow left and right doesn’t mean that there’s any form of respiration. It’s dead and everyone here takes suit from their environment. Who cares if the empty shell of red blood cell Eddie Dode goes missing? He never had anything useful to say; he never did anything that mattered. He never lived his so-called life. He only lived for those brief seconds before his last breath.

Thread wraps tight around my finger, something so small being used however I wish. It’s under my control. The tip of my finger turns purple, reminding me that there’s still blood trying to flow in my veins. It feels good, to know that I’m alive, an organic being surrounded by all of these zombies. The only worthwhile thing they’ll ever do is give me another trophy to add to my collection.

Rian Marlowe walks by the alley across from my house every day. It carries a dark brown leather briefcase, its matching trench coat going to its knees to cover different shades of brown dress pants. Its hat, a sharp, brown felt fedora, obscures its face. I see it everyday after I shave, the straight razor never cutting my skin. The stubbly hair follicles fall into the sink, cut off from their nourishment to wash away into the waterways. It’s almost tragic.

Almost.

I wash off the blade and sit at my window, watching Rian pass by as I wonder what this pod person does every day. How many numbers does it have to crunch to afford the briefcase? How many years of school did it have to take, just to move from putting numbers on a test to putting numbers on a report? Working every day must be a treat, instinctively going through the steps minute by minute. How can Rian tell one day from the next? It will know this day. I will break the monotony of its poor, sick anti-life.

The thread wraps from finger to finger, tightening like a wire for someone to walk across. I wonder if someone too small for me to see can walk on the wire, from hand to hand. Do I control their fate with this small piece of string?

Yes. Of course I do.

The thread still in my hands, I wonder if I should leave my house. The outside is rarely kind to me. I barely find reason to leave my home, having to bear the scrutiny of the neighbors who would gladly shoot me if I stepped foot on their property. Today is a good day though. It’s raining, the water cleansing me of my sloth and purging my mind of those dangerous questions, the ones that could make me second guess my actions.

Crossing the street toward the alley, I wrap the thread between my hands, tying it around my leather gloves and making my heartbeat increase. It’s a vivacious feeling, a bliss and rush of life before I lose myself in the act of kindness I’m about to perform for Rian Barlowe. My back presses against the cold, wet wall on the inside of the alley, and I hear Barlowe approaching. As it walks by my side, I lean down and pull the thread around its foot, watching the briefcase fly onto the street as Barlowe’s head comes crashing down against the cement. I turn its shoulder over, pushing the thread over its neck to keep it pinned onto the ground. I watch its eyes try to escape from its head as it attempts to free itself; it’s almost human. I pull a bottle of chloroform out of my coat pocket as Barlowe’s strength begins to fade, pushing a damp cloth over its mouth until its eyes roll into the back of its head, conceding to my control.

I drag the unconscious body further into the alley, where so many have become familiar with their last step through Purgatory. My judgment allows them to pass onto the next life. I don’t look for people watching from windows anymore as I drag the body deep into the alley. I know that everyone here minds their own business.

I thread the needle on the first attempt, an art almost in of itself in its grace and beauty. Rian will be alive soon, for just moments before its lungs realize that they cannot find any more oxygen. Its broken nose seems almost comical; it squeaks from the air trying to pass through the nostrils but failing. I push the needle up to the swollen lip, letting it sit on the skin before pushing it through the flesh that will soon be worm food in a grave. Rian will finally have done something useful.

How It Should Have Gone: 67th Golden Globe Awards

Best Motion Picture – Drama

Who Won: Avatar

Who Should’ve Won: Inglourious Basterds


Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

Who Won: Sandra Bullock (The Blind Side)

Who Should’ve Won: Gabourey Sidibe (Precious)

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

Who Won: Jeff Bridges (Crazy Heart)

Who Should’ve Won: George Clooney (Up in the Air) [Maybe Colin Firth]

Best Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical

Who Won: The Hangover

Who Should’ve Won: (500) Days of Summer


Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical

Who Won: Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia)

Who Should’ve Won: Meryl Streep (Julie & Julia) [Although I'd also like Marion Cotillard (Nine)]

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy or Musical

Who Won: Robert Downey, Jr. (Sherlock Holmes)

Who Should’ve Won: Joseph Gordon-Levitt ((500) Days of Summer)

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture – Drama

Who Won: Mo’Nique (Precious)

Who Should’ve Won: Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) [I loved Mo'Nique's speech, though]

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Motion Picture – Drama

Who Won: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

Who Should’ve Won: Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)

Best Animated Feature Film

Who Won: Up

Who Should’ve Won: Up [Sorry, Fantastic Mr. Fox]

Best Foreign Language Film

Who Won: Die Weisse Band (The White Ribbon)

Who Should’ve Won: Die Weisse Band (The White Ribbon)

Best Director – Motion Picture

Who Won: James Cameron (Avatar)

Who Should’ve Won: Kathryn Bigelow (The Hurt Locker) [I'd probably Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds) out of preference, but Kathryn was a more likely nominee.]

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Who Won: Jason Reitman, Sheldon Turner (Up in the Air)

Who Should’ve Won: Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)

Best Original Score – Motion Picture

Who Won: Michael Giacchino (Up)

Who Should’ve Won: Michael Giacchino (Up) [Even though I bought the WTWTA soundtrack and I adore it.]

Best Original Song – Motion Picture

Who Won: “The Weary Kind” (Crazy Heart)

Who Should’ve Won: “Cinema Italiano” (Nine) [Definitely not a great song, but I enjoyed it.]

Avatar should not have won anything. It’s a good movie, and technically impressive (with all thanks to an extremely unnecessary budget), but it’s a story that’s been done over and over. A movie should not win Best Picture because it’s pretty.

On a Bed of Roses

This was an essay that had to be purely dialogue, again for Advanced Writing. My mind went to this topic pretty easily, channeling the smooth dialogue I love from Tarantino films and obviously I had Inglourious Basterds ont he mind.

“May I come in?”

“Yes, of course Colonel Adler, please do.”

“Thank you. I’d like to discuss your housing, Herr Eberhardt.”

“Surely I do not understand what you mean, Colonel. Please, sit down.”

“Thank you, and there is nothing particularly difficult to understand, Herr Eberhardt. We are going through the process of searching for unfound enemies of the state. You have nothing to hide, I should assume, correct?”

“Yes, Colonel. My family and I have nothing to hide.”

“Then Müller, Krieg?

“Yes, Colonel?”

“Please search Herr Eberhardt’s attic.”

“Yes, Colonel.”

“I hope you understand, Herr Eberhardt. We must be extremely thorough. There is a family of interest unaccounted for from this area, the Rosen family, a Frau Eva, Herr Reiner, and their little Engel. As der Führer said so perfectly, ‘Great liars are also great magicians.’ I don’t think I have to elaborate on the liars I speak of.”

“I understand, Colonel. I can assure you that I am not housing any of them.”

“Very good, then we will be done soon. I have particular interest in your house, as I’ve heard conflicting reports.”

“How do you mean, Colonel?”

“Well, I’ve heard many locals say the same thing: ‘The Eberhardt family is a loyal German family’. But there have been reports to the contrary; one local family has stated, ‘I hear strange noises coming from the house at night.’ Surely that means nothing, but again, we must be extremely thorough.”

“Of course, Colonel. I assure you it’s nothing, just my family shuffling in the night. You know how these things get around. Someone says, ‘The Eberhardt house has had some strange noises. Somebody told me, “There’s rats running around their house!” ’ It all gets out of hand quickly.”

“Yes, those things do happen. Nevertheless, Herr Eberhardt, these happenings are all too common. We hear shuffling in the night and think it’s nothing. ‘It’s only the neighbors,’ people might say, ‘there’s no one else there.’ But this seems to be different for you, Herr Eberhardt, as you often work late at night, yes?”

“Yes, Colonel.”

“Well, that is conflicting with the reports of noise during times of your absence. I am sure your children and wife aren’t up at such an hour. Maybe it’s nothing…ah, yes, Müller and Krieg. Was your search fruitful?”

“No sir, Colonel Adler, the attic was clear.”

“Well then, I guess I shall be on my way. Thank you for your time, Herr Eberhardt.”

“Of course, Colonel, please come back at anytime.”

“Your hospitality clearly knows no bounds. Heil Hitler!”

“Heil Hitler.”

“Darling, are they gone?”

“Yes, he’s gone for now. Get the floorboards.”

“Eva, Reiner, Engel?  It’s safe.

“Was that the door, dear?”

“Yes, I’ll get it. Eva, Reiner, Engel, get back under the boards.

“Ah, Colonel Adler, what brings you back so soon?”

“I thought I heard some rats.”

The Creature of Bremen

This is my Advanced Writing essay that was supposed to be a Character Sketch. I was going to do my guitar teacher, but I decided that this was more interesting.

I was in Germany for three weeks with the German American Partnership Program, and every day created a new, distinct memory.  Now, almost two years later, I have vague recollections of fun gatherings with friends and beautiful castles; there is, however, one memory that has stayed clearly in my mind, and it is a memory that I will most likely never forget.

I was walking down a street in Bremen with three friends, and the crowdedness of the sidewalk reminded me of walking in New York City.  The sidewalks, created at a size comfortable enough to fit both walkers and cyclists, stretched wider than the sidewalks of most cities.  After walking down the sidewalk with buildings hundreds of years old towering over me on both sides of the street, I noticed that I was nearing what appeared to be a child on a small, fire truck-red tricycle.

When I was only a few feet away from the person on the tricycle, I noticed that it was not a child at all: there was a man sitting on the tricycle.  He had dust-colored facial hair and appeared to be in his late 40s, his dark but graying hair covered by a small baseball cap.  He was at most three feet tall, and he sat back on the made-for-kids tricycle as though he were a rapper driving a Cadillac.  His right hand was scratching his crotch through his dirty and torn jeans.  He displayed this act of itch-alleviation explicitly to the public, almost proudly.

My friends and I spoke at the same time; we were asking each other if we all just saw the man on the tricycle.  We laughed, but my mind filled itself with questions concerning how this man ended up in this situation.  I have always wondered what causes the people living on the street to become unemployed and, ultimately, homeless.  The man on the tricycle seemed angry, unkempt, and possibly insane.  His sinister glare was powerful, and it seemed to say, “If you try to take a picture of me, I will chase you down with this tricycle and kill you.” Even if my speculations were melodramatic, the man was clearly angry.  The reason he was angry and homeless was a mystery to me, and I wondered about all the possible answers.  Even if he were homeless due to lack of ambition and he had no one to support his unemployment, where did the child’s cap and tricycle come from? Why had he placed himself on a sidewalk, when all he did was glare at passersby and scratched himself?

I have seen myriad homeless people littered throughout major cities like New York City, Montreal, and Berlin, and the eccentricity of homeless people has become something that I have come to accept.  Still, this one man made me question all preconceived notions that I had concerning the hardships people face in life.  I tried repeatedly to create a history for this man that might explain his appearance and lifestyle.  My inability to comprehend his predicament is something that I have been grateful for to this day; being unable to understand this man’s past has helped me accept that there are things in life beyond my comprehension.  That might be for the best.

Weights Are Stronger Than Words

Another Advanced Writing essay. This one was The Superior Sex, and if you can’t tell, I went for the satirical route….

They are loud, they are strong, and they are awesome.  Men just know how to lift weights; I’ve been watching them lift for as long as I can remember.  I build the majority of muscle in the men that visit, and every day I see strong man after strong man come in to my testosterone-abundant home.  They lift the weights over and over until they sweat profusely and burn every bit of fat that might make them look less manly.  Very few women come to my home, and the ones that do rarely come to the section of the gym that houses my family and me.  While the women run on treadmills and work on aspects of fitness less important than strength and bulging muscles, the men work out their biceps with dumbbells and their triceps with the best flat bench in the gym—me, if I may be so blunt.

The men here clearly understand what is most important in not only fitness, but also life.  The men lift the bar I provide with unbelievable strength, while the women run on the cardio machines.  The treadmill, Ms. NordicTrack, is the preferred method of non-transportation by the women in my house.  She helps the women here move a lot without going anywhere: just like the women do everywhere in their lives.  I’ve never understood why women consider cardio endurance better than muscular endurance.  It makes less sense to try to outrun a robber than it does to punch the bullets away.  Moreover, men made cars so people don’t have to run! There is no reason to work on cardio endurance when there are cars.  Strength, in contrast, has many purposes: punching robbers in the face, lifting weights on me, or building cars for non-running people.

I have found that, along with their superior understanding of fitness, men are a lot smarter than women in all important subjects.  I can tell you that I have not heard anything remotely intelligent from women in this gym.  Who really cares about a Jane Austen novel? It’s what I always hear the women talking about, but the manly men in this gym do not judge a book by its cover.  Weightlifters laugh at all books.  Who cares about social commentary on something over two hundred years old when a man can bench 500 pounds? Being strong will be important every day in a man’s life, whereas a book that’s old was important only when it wasn’t old.

Asking if men are superior to women is similar to asking if gyms are better than libraries.  The better choice is just too obvious; would I rather get Hulk-like or read a book? The answer is obvious for any real man.  Men are the superior sex because of their first-rate strength and intelligence.  Women’s inferiority to men regarding these important attributes is the reason that men will always be the most important people in society.  I build the strength—and, as a result, intelligence—of the greatest people I’ve met in my life: all men that come to this gym.

A Photo of a Picture of a Pic

This is another essay for Advanced Writing, the second to be exact. I’ll start posting these more frequently, as I have a few. I wrote this one a month ago, probably.

Because cameras are now a feature of several devices, and regular cameras have become so portable, any person that has modern technology can take a picture at any moment.  Some people use their cell phones while other people carry a small digital camera with them.  Others go beyond the simplest (and often mediocre) photo-capturing devices by using a top-notch camera to get a high quality photograph.  The devices used to take the freeze-frames in time often correlate directly with what word the photographers use to describe their photography.  Whether the people say picture, pic, or photo tells a lot about their photography style and their personality.

A picture is a term for many different types of photographs.  When people call their photography pictures, the types of photographs can generally be determined.  Picture People often take pictures that have their friends together and smiling, or have someone else take the picture so that they can be in it.  They also take pictures of scenery and, if on vacation, monuments and other sites that appeal to tourists.  Photographers that use the word picture often have distinct characteristics: Picture People often want to capture the enjoyable events in their lives on camera, always having a record of exciting days or times with friends.  They do not live in the moment but stop to create mementos of their adventures.  Picture People regularly say things like, “Wait everybody, let’s take a picture,”, “Hold on, I need a picture of this!” or “Smile for the camera!”

Although Picture People can hinder the momentum of an eventful day, Pic People stop it in its tracks.  Pic People need to use their preferred camera – usually a camera phone or cute pink digital camera – to take a pic of them holding the camera in one hand as far away from their body as their arm can reach, and making a stupid face and a peace sign with the other hand.  Pic People take these pics everywhere: they could be in Paris and decide to take a pic; nothing is visible except them, any friend that they asked to be in the pic with them, and maybe a little bit of the city that pervades the space not occupied by the subjects of the pic.  These pics are always pointless, never capturing a unique memory or beautiful scene, and are almost invariably identical to each other.  Pic People rarely take pictures of scenery and if they do, they are often visually unappealing.  Pic People drive other people around them to madness with the frequent repetition of phrases like, “Facebook pic!” as two teenage girls make stupid faces and peace signs at a camera held out in front of them.

Photo People are the opposite of Pic People.  Their cameras are very high quality, costing at least 500 dollars, and capture every aspect of a shot: depth, contrast, saturation.  They prefer photos of scenery, well-planned shots with artistic merit.  The few pictures of people or friends that Photo People take are candid shots; the photos capture the subjects in their natural states.  When Photo People travel, they will leave their camera at home to avoid damaging it, or bring it along and spend a small amount of time to get the perfect photo of their subject.  Photo People do not have any recognizable phrase, because they take their pictures in silence.  If they let anyone know that they were taking a photo, it would defeat its purpose.

Photography can be a piece of art, a tangible memory, or a waste of time.  The photographer’s ability and style determine the effect, quality, and success of any picture, pic, or photo.  Anyone who has a camera, which is now a common appliance due to modern technology and its availability, can reveal several of his personality traits just by how he refers to his photographs.

Whose Thought Is It Anyway?

This is an essay for my Advanced Writing class, which will probably be what most upcoming items on here are from. This one’s subject was Knowledge.

Black holes and wormholes take objects and either expand the distance between them infinitely or shorten it. Is it a component of knowledge to know the differences between the function of black holes and wormholes? Alternatively, is it more important to understand why they have these effects, and how their infrastructure creates these anomalies? What divides viewpoints on knowledge’s makeup does not rely solely on theoretical sciences or unsolved mysteries: one reader may takes a story literally while another finds the hidden subtext and symbolism. Someone who does not love science may wonder why measuring the force of gravity is important – people would not float to the moon if the measurement were unknown. Knowledge is relative to the individual; pertinent information on any subject can be key to one person and useless to another.

Which field of knowledge is most essential or beneficial is an opinion that divides different-minded people. The oft-discussed subcategories of knowledge, street smarts and book smarts, contrast those who favor social understanding and adaptability with those who prefer textbooks and facts. These facets of knowledge are not black and white, however: it is hard to function anywhere in the world without comprehension of the spoken language’s grammar or an understanding of what drives the society.

There is also a level of detective work and inference in knowledge, a Holmesian thought process to uncover answers below the initial layer. Revolutionary thinkers and creators such as Socrates, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, and even modern, stylistically progressive authors like Cormac McCarthy and Mark Danielewski look at already existing foundations of knowledge from different vantage points and create new ideas. Their applications of knowledge are unique and show their deduction of new answers from existing information. For philosophers and authors, their applications of knowledge show a combination of social and educational apprehension that they can use to form new styles of thought and literature that are both academically sound and socially relevant.

The brain processes all the thoughts that aggregate knowledge; it determines soundness and relevance. An author of several non-fiction books regarding the brain and its processes, neurologist Oliver Sacks, has stated that ten percent of his blind patients and ten percent of his deaf patients have had visual and auditory hallucinations, respectively. If Oliver Sacks were to formulate a new hypothesis based on his discovery, he might interview other groups of people to search for kindred sensations: might paralyzed patients have tactile hallucinations? Anosmic patients olfactory hallucinations? Ageusic patients gustatory hallucinations? He could take the research beyond the senses to an emotional and personal level. Might xenophobes alter memories of their experiences with foreign people, hyperbolizing the negative aspects? The conclusions drawn from the research, interviews, and results would show Oliver Sacks’ control over knowledge in not only his field of study, but components of others as well.

Knowledge is the basis for human function and interaction. One person’s interpretation can differ sharply from the next. The relativity of knowledge and its myriad branches both divide and bind all sentient beings; it has controlled the course of human history. A different viewpoint may disagree and claim that knowledge has had little effect on history compared to impulse, and that is the beauty of knowledge as a concept.